Red Flags – how to spot them and what to do when you do…

Red Flags are as apparent as a red wine stain on a white carpet.

You can’t help to notice it, but still you may avoid it’s existence.

First off, you may be wondering what a ‘red flag’ is? Well, of course this term can have different meanings for people but basically it means a sign in your head flashing bright red that’s saying ‘mayday mayday back uppppppppppppp’. It’s your intuition spotting something that’s fishy.

The thing about your intuition is that it’s usually spot on. The older I’ve gotten the more I am able to listen to tell my body tell me what is good. and what isn’t Ultimately you know, but if you listen is a whole different story.

How to spot a red flag?

Intuition plays an important role because that will give you the nudge you will need.

But really you want to make sure you are completely honest with yourself before engaging in a romantic relationship with someone. Meaning before you jump into being a couple make sure you know your ‘deal breakers’. Knowing what you will and won’t put up within a relationship is crucial because if you don’t set those standards before a relationship, then what are you going to fall back on in the relationship? How will you know what you stand for if you never put that list into action?

Common ‘deal breakers’ include:

-lack of personality
-impolite
-inflexible
-smoking
-substance abuse/ addiction
-bad with money

and of course the most common ones – cheating, lying, abusive behavior.

Once you have composed a list of those ‘deal breakers’ your intuition can go to work to spot any possible ‘red flags’.

I find these ‘red flags’ so interesting because it’s like you’re taking an open book test. You have all the answers, you just need to look for them.

I had an experience where I was with someone for two years and then they approached me with an interesting question. They proposed an open relationship, which is completely fine for other but I am a strict believer in monogamy and felt that contradicted my beliefs. My core beliefs. This is and always has been a non-negotiable. Now you see, for me this was the most apparent ‘red flag’ i could have been given, but did i pay attention? Nope!

At first I wanted to break up because the request was so outlandish and insulting to my beliefs but this person manipulated me by saying ‘ i thought we could be honest with each other and i wanted to be honest with you, if you don’t want this, that’s fine’.

 

I fell for the manipulation and stayed much longer in the relationship then i should have. Only to later find out that his ultimate goal was to get back to the prospect of having an open relationship. The red flag was there and in my face, but i chose to close my eyes and didn’t pay attention.

 

That was a life lesson for myself to learn.

 

 

My recommendation for others would be listen to the ‘red flags’. 

 

There is a reason we have intuition and ‘red flags’. They are the bodies way of protecting us and guiding us.

 

Something I found very interesting was after my own experience I told a close client that the relationship has ended and her response shocked me. She immediately said “red flags!” and i looked at her puzzled and nodded.

She proceeded to tell me about how she had the same feelings with her now ex-husband. She had these feelings and the ‘red flag’ but still went through with it and got married. She married the man, loved him and they had two daughters together. But when you think someone can change, they won’t. Those ‘red flags’ got bigger and brighter and eventually guided them to divorce. She was happy for me to have made the realization now rather than later. Her response was so genuine and special, because she got it. She was once there but took a different turn at the fork in the road.

It was as if the ghost of future relationships can to speak with me about how i dodged a bullet with this relationship. I may have wanted it to work, but wanting some to fit and something fitting are two different things. Listen to your heart and listen to your intuition. They will guide you to love and your forever person (if that’s what you’re looking for.)

 

Have an experience to share? Leave it in the comments! 🙂

 

 

xoxo

Lizzy